Flipping Shitburgers

Updated: Jan 3, 2019

A gnome smokes his pipe calmly  in a landscape of fiery desolation and destruction

Yep, it’s holiday season. And that means a lot more social interaction for most of us. Not all of it is a pleasure. Let’s be honest. More people kill themselves at this time of the year than at any other time. This is a sad truth that I think isn’t helped by the fact that even if we’re having a hard time with it all, it’s not quite socially acceptable to say anything even approaching, “Yeah, well, I hate this time of year.”

It’s true that many, many articles that you’ll be seeing in the next few weeks will acknowledge that the holidays can be a lonely time of year, and this accounts for the rise in suicides. But…

It’s a stressful time, whether you’re on your own, or whether you’re dealing with psychopathic, narcissistic, or otherwise unpleasant co-workers and family members you do your best to avoid the whole rest of the year. This joyous, happy holiday time of year is stressful. The logistics, the weather (in many cases), the bills. The shopping. Timing stuff for when shops and banks and everything are not closed. The crowds. Finishing work projects in time. Trying your best to keep things pleasant and cheerful while being attacked (because your attackers know you won’t retaliate since you’re the nice one here). All that stuff. It’s stressful. For most people. You can feel the tension in the air.

If that’s not your experience, well that’s jolly good for you. I’m actually glad your life runs on happy little ball bearings. But mine certainly doesn’t, so go on and feel superior if you really need to. I won’t wait though, so go on and take your time.

For the rest of y’all who might be dreading the next office party or family get-together, however, here is what I like to call “The Great W.O.B.’s 3-Step Plan”:

meditation hands mudra in contemplation of a cement-mixer robot

"Well-meditated action."

Don’t live in dread.

Yeah, it’s going to be shit. You know it, I know it, and maybe even they know it, too. In fact, they might be relishing that fact, the sick fuckers. Now, it’s not easy to do, but making an effort to tell yourself, “Well, I’ve got this thing, and it’s not going to be the best thing I’ve ever gone to, but at least there’s a beginning and an end to it.” Define it, give it a boundary. Worrying about what might happen or what someone might say, or when they’re going to start something is only going to stress and tire you out. By all means, prepare for the worst, but don’t dwell on it too much beforehand. Go in with a sense of equipoise and self-control. This takes practice, by the way, so don’t beat yourself up too much if you